Porto Montenegro is the first spot in my Little Luxe Book mini-series!!!
fyi: I haven’t been on a girly holiday since I was 17 and that was a week in 2 star digs where the shower had no knobs/dials/handles of any kind and the water was a suspicious shade of sorrel.
So when we pulled up to the Regent Porto Montenegro hotel – 5 star base-camp – to be met with neo-classical columns, freshly squeezed green juice, watch our weighty wheelies drive off in their own buggies and snapchat 360 degrees of very strong white wall game – it’s fair to say I was catatonic with excitement. A bit like the time J suggested we pop into Chanel “on the off-chance they have that padded bag with the metal straps that match your Bal’s” catatonic. A bit.
fyi: we bought the bag
I’m fairly convinced the excessive amount of white walls/yachts/walkways and marble surfaces induced a kind of coma which neutralised my social-media anxiety and that’s all I have to say about that.
logged on to the wifi settled in and hydrated on pink water, Heidi walked us 200 yards around the boardwalk to a shiny new Heidi Klein boutique perched on the marina edge. It’s in prime super-yacht-peeking territory and overlooks the money shot of the adriatic.
The six of us spent a good hour sweating the important stuff – bandeau or triangle – debating the very critical stuff – espadrille v’s sandal – before we’d worked up an appetite and hauled our goodies back to base camp for more
But back to Regent Porto Montenegro and the six of us nailing life in our matchy matchy Heidi Klein swimsuits:
Is it shallow to say I love how photogenic the hotel is. Like that really appeals to me for more reasons than I’m comfortable admitting. It’s in THE prime spot on the Porto Montenegro complex. The rooms are light and airy, the food tasty and #sorrynotsorry instagramable….
…all in the setting of a palm-leafy marina and plenty of super-yachts to perve over.
pink water spots, lots and lots of pink water spots.
fyi: nobody walks more than 300 yards anywhere in the complex of Porto Montenegro; you either holla a golf-buggie to take you around the boardwalk or you jump on your
super-yacht speed boat and ride.
We made a few trips out on our
super yacht speed-boat but my favourite was our cruise up the Bay of Kotor.
The Bay is beautiful and it winds around the prettiest islands, one of which – Our Lady of the Rocks a home to only a Roman Catholic church – we pulled up at to get off the boat and selfie.
The cruise continued around the Bay until we arrived in Kotor – a fortified town with an inordinate amount of cats.
fyi: I loved trips like this as a kid – the ones where mum and I would spend a day away from the beach exploring a historic castle or museum.
The six of us had a guide walk us through the town pointing out spots of interest; the cathedral, the maritime museum, a zillion little trinket shops but I’m ashamed to say I spent most of it stroking cats. Kind of need to go back and see that place again.
Back from the cruise, we had our speed-boat drop us off at the PMYC (Yacht Club) for nibbles, a natter about the cats of Kotor all washed down with refreshing
pink water at the exclusive members only club
…it overlooks a 64m infinity pool.
And then we spa’d….
Ok so I took only one pic – a smugfie – from my post-spa bliss after the most extraordinary massage and thermal manipulating I have ever had.
I promise this spa is worth dedicating an afternoon to. All the regular suspects; shallow pools, soft white robes and songbird soundtrack plus surprising extras like a hamman steam and this crazy beautiful spa pool view.
The next day before we left, the six of us got together for breakfast to thank Heidi for organising such an incredible trip and to natter some more about the cats of Kotor. Our girlie adventure ticked so many boxes because of the hotel but the company was the icing on the cake for me.
Thanks again to Heidi Klein for inviting me.
WARNING: if you book direct through the REGENT PORTO MONTENEGRO website I can’t guarantee you won’t drift off into a chilled beach house soundtrack coma
champagne and snacks at Yacht Club
local cuisine at One
pizza at Al Posto Giusto
lebanese at Byblos
cocktails at The Library Bar