I’m sure I’ve got OSD.
Obsessive Scrolling Disorder.
I’m even doing it now whilst I type – that’s social media multi-tasking btw. And I can’t stop. So OSD is my luxe diagnosis.
I think I might even be showing symptoms of CUNC (compulsive uploading of new clothes) oh dear.
Yes OSD’s addictive, but it’s like a workout – at weekends I reckon I scroll at least once an hour. For my instafix I’ll nosey through instagram – searching fave hashtags, finding new feeds, I’ve an on-off relationship with Twitter (twiterature’s so much more time consuming) and occasionally I’ll open up Facebook or borebook as I call it (family and real friends just aren’t as interesting #sorrynotsorry). I’m kidding!
If like me your handheld is surgically attached, chances are you’re no stranger to OSD
Innocent scrolling becomes an itch you can’t scratch, a story you can’t finish, trying to keep up… I can’t keep awake!!!
And for the scrollers who share?
I’m a selective scroller – advanced level SMS (social media savvy) . But there are those who throw caution to the wind. Who air all manner of luxe laundry into the share-o-sphere – oblivious to the self-doubt cloud waiting in the wings. And selfie doubt’s the worst!
I wince each time I put my face where my thoughts are…
Surely that makes me Facebook fair game? Target practice for Twitter trolls?
Those anti-social media muppets are out there. Beware.
So it’s got me thinking, is half of what any of us scroll through even real? Even the pictures I’ve used for this post are no stranger to a filter… or five! Photoshopping, red-eye removing, fake account following – surely just the tip of the instaberg.
O S D: the signs and L U X E symptoms:
- Wake up. Stroke your instagram feed before him? Sorry Mr. Luxe/Boo – totes guilty.
- Call home. Dial the hashtag first #awkward
- Afternoon delight. Yep, that hashtag’s now flirting with your forefinger. Fancy a three way and wing-thumb’ll join in. Aches from all the @ction? #firstworldproblems
- Dinner and a movie? Much prefer candlelit photoshoot and twitter dialogue.
- Criteria for a restaurant. Twitterati following? Check. Hashtag presence?? Check. Does it instagram well??? Book!
- Great meal. Did you pap your dinner, his dinner, anyones dinner? Was there time between courses for you to sit in silence and ponder creative hashtags, ideally toy with app’s.
Sound familiar? There is help out there…
You can Google it… or search for it on Twitter. Better still, make a cry for help to your real friends/Facebookers – someone’s bound to know someone or have seen something somewhere.
I suppose if it gets really bad, maybe try contacting ‘surgically-attached-handheld’s’ service provider and see if you’re due an upgrade. Retail therapy and speedier scrolling has to provide some comfort. Non?
But stick to the golden rules of a scroller: If it’s not on Twitter – it really wasn’t worth talking about. If it’s not on Facebook – you were never there. If it’s not on Instagram – there’s always #latergram?
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